gori

being a Sikh of non-punjabi descent is usually interesting, often amusing, sometimes annoying, and at times, even scary.

one of the biggest hurdles is a whole new culture.  now, every culture has it's pros and cons.  sometimes we get so absorbed in our own culture that we aren't aware of it's flaws.  sometimes we're so absorbed in our own culture that we forget other cultures even exist!  and sometimes when we attempt to explore another culture, we realize we're in way over our heads!

i was raised in a pretty normal middle class white family, in suburban america.  we wore shoes inside.  we ate together as a family, mom too.  my dad even cooked.  we weren't pressured into going to college to pursue a career we didn't have any interest in.   we were expected to find our own mates through trial and error.  we can choose to have babies, even girl babies, or we can choose not to.  and apparently, we were not taught how to be "hospitable" to guests.  i had no idea.

when i became a Sikh, i thought i could just adopt Sikhi culture.  i never realized that i needed a crash course in Punjabi Housewifery 101.  no one told me that i needed to have several varieties of sweet and salty snacks on hand at all times, just in case someone dropped by.  no one told me that i should formally offer water, juice, soda, coffee, and tea to everyone who walked in the door.  i didn't realize i had to be ready to drop everything and throw a dinner party with dal, sabji, a paneer dish, roti, rice, and dessert in case someone dropped by my house unannounced. :)   but i'm learning!  (the hard way)

in the culture i grew up in, we call before we visit.  in the culture i grew up in, when a friend visits a friend, we say, "make yourself at home", and we mean it.  yes, that means you can say, "hey, do you have anything to drink?" or even walk into the kitchen, without being considered rude.   this whole formality thing is just lost on me.  sure, i'll be prim and proper for elders or strangers.  but to friends?  what's the point?  what are we trying to prove?  isn't it better to just "be yourself"?  apparently not.

don't get me wrong, i think punjabi hospitality is an incredible thing.  it shows the famous generous spirit of the punjabi people.  in Sikhi, we see echos of it in Langar and the fact that every Gurdwara in the world has it's doors open to travellers.

but sometimes it seems like people use it to show off.  i'm thinking of these elaborate weddings, where people mortgage their homes to serve huge feasts to people they barely know...  vegetarians suddenly order meat dishes, non-drinkers buy cases of wine...  what's with that?   it's one day out of your life, how can it possibly change your social standing?  well surprisingly, it can.  or so i'm told.

yes, i'm married to a punjabi man and have a punjabi family.  yes, i think they're incredible and i wouldn't trade them for anything in the world.  but they're SIKH first and punjabi second.  they worry more about their avastha and less about what the neighbors are saying about them, and i love that. 

yes, i get weird looks for being the gori in the turban.  yes, i get harassed online by racists who think Sikhi is for punjabis only.  and yes, my punjabi friends misunderstand my open and sometimes blunt (ok, mostly blunt) way of communicating.   but come on, guys, i'm the GORI.  it's not my fault i don't know how to act.  my parents didn't teach me.

but i'm learning!

Bhai Gurdas ji tells us how we should treat our fellow Sikhs.  THIS is the culture i need to learn.   and so i will.

pairee pai paa khaak hoe rradd manee manooree|| The Sikh of the Guru, falling at the feet (of Guru) forswears his ego and desires of mind.

paanee pakhaa peehanaa nith karai majooree|| He fetches water, fans the Congregation, grinds flour (for langar) and does all manual jobs.

thraparr jhaarr vishhaaei(n)dhaa chul jhok n jhooree|| He cleanses and spreads the sheets and gets not dejected while putting fire in the hearth.

muradhae vaa(n)g mureedh hoe kar sidhak sabooree|| He adopts the contentment like a dead person does.

cha(n)dhan hovai si(n)malahu fal vaas hajooree|| He gets such a fruit of living near the Guru, as the silk-cotton tree gets by being near the sandal tree i.e. it also becomes fragrant.

peer mureedhaa(n) pireharree guramukh math pooree ||19|| The Sikhs loving the Guru make their wisdom complete.(19)

but if my kids want huge weddings with six course meals, they better get a job first!